I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
