we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
