4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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