Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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