shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
