Umm I'm too high to move.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
