is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
