Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i think i just lost a toe
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
