Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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