Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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