I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
