i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
