So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
