It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
