i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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