My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
