Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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