It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
