Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
