I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
