she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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