Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
