So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
