I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize