if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
