i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
