I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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