so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
