I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
