I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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