i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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