Are we in a gay sports bar?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
