I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
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