Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
