You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
