He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
