To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
