Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
