Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
