I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
