her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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