I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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