plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
