I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
