take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
