Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Acid is not a monday night drug
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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