Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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