She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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