I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
