Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
