Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
