she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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