Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I love you. Go after that dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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