I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
