Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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