If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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