no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
