my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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