I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
