I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize