Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Randomize
