My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
