afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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