i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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