Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
