if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
