they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
