3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
