I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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