explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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