i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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