Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
