I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
